Do Hard Things. Even When Hard Things Aren't Always Fun.
As I type this at my desk, my legs are stiff, and my hips are killing me. My right heel hurts to step down on. Walking up and down the steps at our house to refill my coffee has left me second-guessing whether or not I genuinely need caffeine to get through the workday.
(Spoiler: I do).
Why am I feeling this way? My wife and I did a relay-style marathon yesterday. Megan ran the first 13.1, and I ran the second half (nearly 13.5 miles somehow) in a relay format. Primarily, thanks to Megan crushing her leg of the race, we placed second in the coed division of the relays and seventh among all relay teams in the Publix Marathon yesterday.
I went from doing 8 miles a week in August to running further in one shot than I have in 14 years yesterday - for time.
It was a hard thing.
Last weekend, I participated in an ERG rowing sprint relay. I did a 2k row flat out for the first time in my life and then did a relay-style row in another race an hour later. It was a different type of hard than I've ever experienced. The relay was a fun experience, and I did better on that, but it was something totally new that I had to learn.
That was hard.
This past fall, I signed up to be in a rec soccer league. The thing was, I had never played organized soccer in my life and had less knowledge of the game than Ted Lasso did in the pilot episode. Our first game, when our team was discussing formation strategies, I raised my hand and admitted that I had no idea what they were talking about. I even had an embarrassing moment when I didn’t know how to throw a ball in from out of bounds correctly. When you get a sympathy redo like I did from the ref and other team…things aren’t going well for you.
That was a hard thing.
In the open 2k rowing race, I fell totally off where I felt like I could've finished. I was an absolute liability for my rec soccer team for the first 2/3 of the season. In my half marathon leg yesterday, I fell short of where I thought I could finish pace-wise and felt miserable (mostly my fault for going out too hot).
So, what's the point of doing hard things? Especially if I'm not always meeting my own self-imposed expectations?
Being a parent has been a big motivator for that. Here's why.
My Kids Do Hard Things Every Day
From my vantage point, elementary school seems amazing. Every day seems like it should be the best day ever. In reality, both of our kids are doing hard things for them all the time. They constantly have to learn and master things they've never done before.
Doing new things is hard. To keep doing them takes a lot of willpower and grit to do it repeatedly. Sure, my kids have to go to school. But it's their choice to keep trying if they get an answer wrong, misread/mispronounce a word, or get a fact they're learning mixed up with something else.
As an adult, it's surprising how much we don't have to do hard things as frequently. We can get in a groove with our jobs and coast if necessary. It's tempting to go through the day's motions without genuinely challenging ourselves or pushing ourselves to try (and fail) at something new.
It was something that I noticed as I kept trying to encourage my kids to not give up on something new and/or challenging. I decided to try hard things myself for two reasons:
Build a bigger empathy gland: I don't want to be an armchair quarterback. I want to remember what it feels like to try something new, do something hard, and want to quit but keep seeing it through. I don't want to lose touch with what that feels like. It'll help me become a better encourager to both kids when they want to throw the towel on something challenging.
Let them see me struggle: While I know this will change as they become adults, our kids probably see Megan and me as somewhat invincible. To the kids, everything probably looks easy for us. I feel like the best way we can encourage them is to practice what we preach. My guess is that a "don't give up" message will be more sticky coming from someone they've seen also push through something themselves.
Doing Hard Things Has a Ripple Effect
The best way to do hard things is to try hard things in low-stakes situations. I've been doing physical challenges in races or workout classes and trying loads of things I've never done or am not good at. But trying and failing in those circumstances have helped me build a tolerance for grit that has carried over in other areas, like work and home.
My kids trying new things literally every day has inspired me to try (and often) fail at new activities I’m not good at to get out of my comfort zone and keep learning.